I woke up in the small hours with “that” feeling. It wasn’t urgent but I knew it was only a matter of time until my stomach rejected some or all of its contents. I was beginning to regret the salad, sardine and muesli combination I had for tea. I could taste the fish and the Lettice was giving off a foul stench. I wandered to the kitchen for the emergency bucket. I had no desire to clean the carpet after I’d been ill

A little later

I woke with a start. The outlook had moved from mild to storm force. I placed the bucket between my legs just in time to catch the first expulsion. It was thick and smelt of fish, that strong fishy smell that only sardines have. There was no sweetcorn, this surprised me, but not as much as the second expulsion. That one was more voluminous than the first. The smell was overpowering but there was still no sweetcorn. Then came to cold sweat. Within a second my body was covered in a thin sheen of moisture. I flopped back on the bed, the eruption was over, I was spent.


Eventually I crawled out of bed. Things were aching and I wasn’t feeling my best. The first job was to get rid of the remnants of last night. My arms are quite long but not long enough to keep the bucket from smelling distance. I stepped on the scales in passing. I’d gained a kilo over the last few days. This wasn’t good news and undoubtedly due to the BBQ and last night’s Muesli binge. I didn’t feel like eating; I was sure that solid food could start of a chain reaction and that was something I wanted to avoid. I made do with a cup of tea. I could wean myself onto solids later in the day.


The walk to the station was hard work; my limbs were heavy and I was aching. This was a proper illness. I started questioning why I was going into work today when lying in bed would be by far the better option. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was taking in cakes to celebrate the end of a phase of a project I would have stayed at home.


I did nothing at work today, I was listless and aching. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I put the cakes out on the side at the appropriate time and then made my excuses and left. It was pointless being there.


I got home and went straight to bed. It seemed like the best option.


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