Last night’s unhealthy eating meant that my weight stayed stubbornly static. It didn’t lighten my mood.
Yet again I’d not taken a roll out of the freezer so breakfast was a bacon omelette. I was running late so instead of washing up I hid the evidence in the oven. Hopefully no one will be interested in the contents of my oven.
The big work thing has started to lumber into life. Lots of people were worrying unduly about things trivial things whist others are making light of major things. It’s going to be a long weekend.
I woke up tired again. I don’t like this. I expect to be a little hazy in the morning but that soon goes. I don’t expect to feel completely exhausted after a long nights sleep.
I celebrated a small gain in weight with a bacon omelette, mainly as I’d not defrosted a bread roll. I starting to get a bit fed up with this lingering weight. I should be a good 10 kilos lighter. I can feel my lumpy bits wobbling about and I’m not happy with that. It’s just another thing on my mind that is adding to the pressure I’ve put myself under.
Everybody is preparing for the big weekend work thing. There is a lot of last minute panic and sweaty armpits going about. I’m trying not to be affected by it as my little piece is almost under control but it’s hard not to be affected. Even annoying work colleague is a little more jittery than usual.
I was later home than usual due to last minute panics and emergency meetings so the whole idea of sitting on the bike trainer for any length of time disappeared. I had a shower and cleaned the bath instead. Once the bathroom was clean I set about hiding mess in various placed. I have a viewing tomorrow and I don’t want them to be put off by the sight of my sweaty socks.
The late arrival and tidying binge made for a very short evening during which I consumed a packet of rice cakes with butter and blackberry jam. I could have had soup but I didn’t want to go to the trouble. The upshot of this is that I went to bed feeling bloated and unhappy with my expanding stomach.
I woke up tired and even a slight reduction in my weight didn’t help lift the tiredness. I had a bread roll for breakfast as anything else seemed like far too much effort.
I had to drop the keys off at the estate agent this morning as there is a viewing on Friday when I’m at work. It was only a little thing but walking back to the car I suddenly felt overwhelmed by everything that is going on at the moment. For a few moments I was on the verge of tears. This is not a good feeling and most unlike me. I have a feeling that I shouldn’t be listening to all the people that tell me I’m doing most of life’s stressful things in the space of a couple of months, they might convince me that it’s true
We had a drop in and tell us what we can improve type meeting at work today. They were offering cake as an incentive to turn up. I think I have a certain reputation but when people said “pretend this is your exit interview” I felt obliged to say to them that I had nothing to say at an exit interview that I hadn’t already said in public. Maybe I shouldn’t express my feelings in public but I feel that is better than just tolerating the current position.
The website said something different to the form that said something different to the brochure so I rang them up. What followed was a prime example of someone trying to be helpful when they did not actually have an answer. So now I have four sources of information and even more confusion.
I should have got on the bike trainer and peddled away this evening but I just didn’t feel like it. Instead I started tidying the house for the viewing on Friday. It didn’t take long but there is still a little more to do tomorrow.
I’m still heavy, I don’t like that. I decided to skip breakfast because of this. I was slightly lighter after a visit to the loo but I felt that wasn’t a sustainable way to lose the lard.
I spent far too much time on the motorway this morning. The junction I normally get off at had been closed due to an accident. It seemed like all the traffic got off at the junction before and clogged all the roads to work. I was not in good humour when I got to work
I gorged myself on two apples, two plums and two oranges; so much for having no breakfast
It had been raining since yesterday and it was still raining at lunchtime. Any enthusiasm I had for going swimming at lunchtime had been washed away. I sat at my desk, shovelled Couscous into my face and felt miserable.
I’m getting less and less engaged with my work as the days go past. I have no desire to be here and no real incentive to actually do anything productive. I may have made a mistake in giving so much notice.
I spend almost an hour queueing to get onto the motorway. The slip road had been blocked, although the reason wasn’t obvious or apparent when I got there. All in all I have spent four and a half hours in my car today. I’m not happy about that
On the way home, I kept seeing the most fantastic cloud formation. Every now and then a rainbow appeared on the side of the cloud adding a bit of colour.
I had broccoli soup for tea. It should have helped with the weight loss. The bar of chocolate I had afterwards probably wouldn’t
I slept right up to the alarm this morning but had to get out of bed to release the pressure on my bladder. The scales told a sorry tale of eating too much over the weekend. My weight had peaked at a wholly unacceptable value and I felt bad about this. The worst part is not the number it’s the fact that I can feel things wobbling around.
I was tired and spent all morning yawning. I had my swimming kit with me but it stayed dry.
I had some butternut squash soup for tea tonight in the hope that it would help me lose the lard. Then I found two large bars of chocolate in the fridge that I had accidentally bought at the weekend. I felt sick and guilty after disappearing them.
I felt the urge to swim this morning so I headed off to the quarry for a quick dip. The water was a lot warmer than the last time I was here. There were more people swimming without wetsuits and those that were, were complaining about getting too hot. The long course was open, this is essentially a loop or the lake. I made my happy way round a few times. I didn’t want to stay in too long but it was just too enjoyable. I had a long and rambling debate with myself on the last lap about whether it was going to be the last lap or not. I think I made the right decision. I was cold enough to need the down jacket but not so cold that I was a dribbling wreck.
Painting the ceiling in the little room had been on my list of things to do for a very long time. The paint, step ladder and covers were all in the room and had been for a few weeks. I had no excuse to put it off any longer. Once I set to it, it really didn’t take that long. As with all these things the procrastination takes more time than the actual task.
I had promised myself that I would make some bread today, purely to use up the ingredients in the cupboards. In a fit of mixing and kneading I made six bread rolls and two focaccia. I do like the process of making bread, it is relaxing and violent in equal measures.
I made some soup as well, Butternut squash soup because I had one that needed using. I chucked it in some chicken stock with some onions and pepper and let it simmer for a while. I have no idea how it tastes but it smelt alright.
After all that food preparation, I had to make dinner. I didn’t feel that enthusiastic about it. It was a repeat of yesterday only with cold chicken. I even made eh same mistake of finishing up with the crumble. Yet again I felt bloated. It was not a good state for a Sunday evening. I tried to wash the excess lard away in a shower but that didn’t work.
I went along to the club swim session this morning. There weren’t that many people there as it was sunny; this makes the reservoir a big draw. I wasn’t too confident that I would get through the set but I gave it my best shot. That wasn’t good enough though. I had to stand at the side for a few minutes in the middle of the set to recover some energy. I guess that is what happens when I don’t swim for nearly a month.
I had to visit the supermarket to get vital supplies. The first problem I encountered was that the hatch back had locked its self and was refusing to open. I had to resort to crawling through the back seat to get the shopping bags. The shopping its self was easy and quick. There wasn’t much on the list and the supermarket seemed emptier than usual.
The grass didn’t need cutting but I felt that I should anyway. This was a mistake. Half way through there was a crunching noise and then the machine failed to trim anything. One of the blades had hit a stone and shattered. Now I had a half-cut lawn and a broken lawn mower. I had to go to the garden shop to get a new blade. I don’t like doing this as it means an extra trip in the car. I’d already passed the store this morning. Eventually I got the new blade fitted and finished the lawn but it felt like this one small task had taken up a significant amount of the day.
I was starting to feel hungry so I set about doing a simple chicken meal. Chicken thighs with stir fry vegetables and spinach. All things that I love. I made far too much and felt stuffed at the end of it. That didn’t stop me having a small apple and blackberry crumble for dessert. I almost rolled to bed.